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My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!” Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn’t until our first date that I realized I had underestimated the wingman’s abilities.The guy did, in fact, have some kind of black girl fetish.To be blunt: White guys, you often approach black women in a harmful way.Most white men are unaware of the microaggressions towards their black partner that make their chances for a second date slim to none.And when these stereotypes are internalized and then manifested in society, it could have severe consequences.More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity. Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group’s culture, but that’s an unreasonable expectation.

You should want to date a person because you like who they are and have compatible views and interests, not because their race is the next thing to do on your bucket list or because you were enthralled by their “exotic ways” (honestly, are you doing an anthropological study on black culture? If you answered no to these questions and you think those assumptions on black womanhood are downright absurd (hint: they are), then perhaps you are well on your way to showing a black woman that you want to date a complete person and not a stereotype!

Microaggressions are comments or actions that unintentionally alienate or demean a marginalized person or group.

These include, but are not limited to, saying things such as “You’re [insert positive adjective] for a black girl! ” These may seem harmless to some, but they’re actually symptoms of deeper problems rooted in systematic oppressions that black women face daily.

So in order to combat the harmful stereotypying of our people, try to compliment us without the caveat! It’s assumed that that everyone belonging to that group thinks and behaves the same way, but that is never – – the case.

When getting to know a black woman, don’t ask them to be the authority on black culture.

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